I am a formula hoarder. Confused? You should be. I breastfeed my child. “So,” you ask, “why are you hoarding formula?”
And THAT is quite a good question. I honestly do not have a good reason. In fact, my reason is completely irrational and I am almost afraid of typing it out for fear of severe judgement (be easy on me… please?!).
I hoard formula just in case of extreme emergency. I’m talking nuclear, catastrophic, lost-in-the-woods-with-no-gas-left-in-the-car emergencies. I keep cans and bottles of formula in E’s room, in the car, in the diaper bag, at my parents’ house, etc.
I’m afraid of something crazy happening or my body possibly malfunctioning to the point where one day, I’ll wake up and the “factory” will be closed. I don’t know?! And this is what my fear is; that I just. don’t. know. Thus, the formula hoarding.
I still have formula from the hospital in those little, eensy-weensy bottles that hold only two ounces of formula. How ridiculous is that!?! But I’m pretty sure I have three or four of them in my diaper bag and possibly ten or so in E’s dresser drawers.
So, there. Some people hoard cats. I hoard formula. If someone decides to call one of those shows on me, at least there’s a bright side: free home makeover and free therapy!
Oh shit. Did I really just say that? I think I just passed “crazyville” and am headed straight for the looney bin… wait, is there free food there?