Flaming Lips.
I have a bad mouth. It’s actually not something I am proud of, but it’s the truth. I cuss like a drunken sailor and I can be crude. I understand this is not very “lady like”, but I am going to go ahead and do the expected - I’m going to blame my parents.
I grew up in a household where cursing was not taboo, it was not frowned upon and was mostly used as a sign of affection. When we weren’t cursing, it was a bad sign. It meant we were uncomfortable, nervous, or feeling uptight. The more f-bombs you heard in a sentence, the better you could feel about being around us.
I’m a mother now (and a professional) and I’m finding that I have a major issue with my toilet mouth. E is getting to the age (8 months) where she is starting to watch my lips and mimic some sounds. Although I would personally find it hilarious for her first word to be “shit” or “ass”, I’m not so sure the rest of the world would agree. It wouldn’t be too good for the little doll and I can almost guarantee minimal (if any) invites back to play dates. I can see it now…
*daydream sequence*…………..
Playgroup Mother, “EXCUSE ME! What did you just say?!??!” Child “This fuc#in truck is broken!” Playgroup Mother, “What?! Where did you learn such language?” (Me; cringing in the corner and slowly - and hopefully, unnoticeably -slouching in my chair…) Child, “SHE (pointing a small, stiff and cheese-puff-stained finger at my daughter) said it first!” Playgroup Mother turns to me and says, “I don’t believe these play dates will be working for us any longer.” Me (sheepishly, yet secretly withholding gut-busting laughter), “I am so sorry! Is there anything I can…” Mother, “NO. Thank you. We’ll be leaving now.” Me “…do?” (looks over at her happy, smiling, potty-mouth daughter with guilty feelings of failure for ruining her play date and any future play dates, for that matter.)
*aaaaand end daydream sequence*
And here the cycle begins again. One day, my daughter will be called out on her bad mouth and do exactly as I am doing now, blame her parents.
Oh my. What’s a mother-effing woman to do?!?!
